Amy Vaughan:
Hello everyone and welcome to your weekly Power Lounge. This is your place to hear authentic conversations from those who have power to share. My name is Amy Vaughan and I am the owner and Chief Empowerment Officer of Together Digital, a diverse and collaborative community of women who choose to share their knowledge, power and connections. You can join the movement at togetherindigital.com and today I am thrilled to welcome someone who brings a unique combination of military discipline, clinical expertise and compassionate healing into our amazing Together community of high performing, high achieving women. Jewell Siebert is a retired army colonel, bestselling author and clinically certified EFT practitioner who is transforming how we understand and regulate our nervous system and our high stress world. We need this Jewell. I was just telling her before we got on, I was like, I don’t know about the rest of our listeners, but I really need today’s episode. After a distinguished military career, Jewell has decided to throw herself into helping people integrate their inner child and rediscover their authentic selves through the power of emotional freedom technique or tapping.
Amy Vaughan:
Her approach isn’t just about managing stress. It’s about fundamentally transforming our relationship with our emotions and unlocking our most empowered selves. In an industry like ours, being overwhelmed is the norm and imposter syndrome runs rampant. Jules, work couldn’t be more timely, as I mentioned earlier. So whether you’re preparing for a big presentation, navigating the workspace, workplace competition, or just simply trying to quiet that critical inner voice, we all know Jewell is here to share science backed techniques that can create calm and lasting confidence. So please everyone join me in welcoming Jewell Siebert to the Power Lounge. Welcome, Jewell.
Jewell Siebert:
Thank you, Amy. I’m so happy to be here.
Amy Vaughan:
Yes, and like I said, such a needed thing, nervous system regulation. In a high pressure, high stakes world, we’ll probably get into some of the science and the things behind this, but I only heard about tapping probably in the last two or three years. And when people bring it up, they’re like, how did you learn about it? How do you know about it? There’s such a curiosity around it. And for someone like you, really curious as to how this became a thing for you, going from a colonel to an EFT practitioner, that’s quite the pivot. What sparked that transition for you from military service into helping people regulate their nervous system through something like tapping?
Jewell Siebert:
Yeah, it’s crazy, right? Everyone’s always like, what? So I had, I had started off as active duty, I spent 14 years, I went to West Point, I went to, spent 14 years as an active duty army officer. And about that time, I got pregnant, and then my daughter was born. And, you know, when I was pregnant, I was like, do I stay in? Do I get out? You know, because I had served my obligation. And when she was born, I just had this. This moment, you know, and I knew because I had deployed. I’ve been on four deployments, two trips to Korea, and I liked it, but it wasn’t my. It wasn’t the end all be all for, like, my soul, essentially. And I just decided, you know, I want to do something different.
Jewell Siebert:
I don’t want to be away from her because I knew I was going to be gone again, but I didn’t want to be away from her on something that wasn’t it. You know, I wasn’t going to be happy. Ish. So I got out after that, but I still stayed in the reserves, of course, and. And that’s how I continued on, but I didn’t know what I was going to do. So I went. I got a certification with Jack Canfield, and I was at one of his programs, and, you know, a piece of it was tapping. And I thought it was nuts, Amy.
Jewell Siebert:
I thought it was nuts because we’re sitting there and he’s like, okay, I’m going to teach you this way to, like, regulate your nervous system. It’s called tapping. And here’s how you do it. And we’re sitting there and I’m like, I’m supposed to, oh, there’s my cat.
Amy Vaughan:
Make an appearance.
Jewell Siebert:
It’s all good. They’re both. They’re both here. But I was like, so I’m supposed to hit myself in the face and feel better?
Amy Vaughan:
Better.
Jewell Siebert:
This is. I was like, you’re nuts. This is nuts. But we did it, you know, we all did it. And I felt the shift in my body, and my partner who is leading me through was like, Julie, you look different. And I was like, I feel different. And then I became obsessed. I just started learning it and, you know, doing all the things and doing all the training, and it fascinated me, you know, the.
Jewell Siebert:
The science behind it, how our brains and bodies work, and then just how I felt and the changes I saw in myself and other people. I mean, I became obsessed.
Amy Vaughan:
Makes sense. I think a lot of us here together, digital, we’re chronic learners. And once we find a tool or a trick or something. Right, right. That just makes life more manageable and easier, whether that’s a job or just lifting in general.
Jewell Siebert:
We’re.
Amy Vaughan:
We go down that rabbit hole so we can Relate Jewell.
Jewell Siebert:
Yeah.
Amy Vaughan:
So for those who are maybe a little unfamiliar with left, could you walk us through a little bit of what happens to our nervous system when we’re in that fight, flight, freeze or fall in response. And how, how does tapping actually work?
Jewell Siebert:
Yeah, yeah, that’s a great question. So when we’re going about our life and you know, we’re taking in all this information and something will, something will happen that tells our bodies that we cannot meet the requirements, you know, our resources, whether it’s skills, knowledge, time, whatever, we cannot meet the outside world’s requirements. And this can happen because we’re in chronic stress, it can happen because a one time event happened or because seemingly non threatening things that we learned from before are triggering us. So our brain goes into high gear and the amygdala and the hippocampus, everything starts saying we are under attack, there’s a threat, we need to survive. So our body immediately starts producing the stress hormones. Our early, our immediate early genes turn on and you know, we just start going and our body starts doing the things like the fast heart rate, the quicker breathing, diverting blood to our extremities so we can either fight or fight or just freeze. You know, it goes into survival mode. Well, this is perfect.
Jewell Siebert:
It is a beautiful system. You know, it’s our sympathetic nervous system. It is doing this to keep us safe, but in situations where we’re not actually in danger. Right, like that’s a problem because we can’t. You know, if you’re giving a presentation and you, your, the blood is going from the logical, rational, thinking part of your brain and the, you know, you, you don’t remember what you want to say. So you know, tapping comes in and it’s a combination of cognitive behavioral therapy. Well it takes elements from it, elements from exposure therapy and acupressure. And you physically tap on these different points in your body, these acupoints while you’re thinking or saying or just feeling these things.
Jewell Siebert:
And it sends a signal to your body that I am safe. And your amygdala says, oh wait, I’m safe, I can stop the stress response. So it shifts from the sympathetic nervous system, this parasympathetic nervous system turns on and so that allows you to have these same thoughts but while being physiologically like calmed. And that is amazing because then it allows your brain to write, create new neural pathways. So you know, you can say like, oh, I’m freaking out, I have this presentation. But your body is saying I’m safe. And then your brain says, wait, I can be safe even while thinking this. So it brings you relief in the moment, but it can also bring you relief in future events.
Jewell Siebert:
So it’s not as intense or it doesn’t happen as frequently or you recover faster. So it’s not about, oh, I’m sorry, I get really wound up.
Amy Vaughan:
No, it’s great, keep going.
Jewell Siebert:
It’s not about just being even keeled, but it’s about having appropriate levels of emotional responses to things.
Amy Vaughan:
Because like from an evolutionary standpoint, right, our brain doesn’t know whether we’re walking into a den of lions, right, or standing up in front of 10 people to do a presentation or a pitch, right? And I’ve heard it described as like, our brain is like a bottom up processor, right? So it starts in like the reptilian part of our brain, which is like fight, flight or flee, right? So it starts from the bottom. And like you were saying, it kind of works with the amygdala, but it’s also that the prefrontal cortex is what we need to be, like logical and rational. And it’s like you just get stuck, like everything gets stuck in that part of the brain and the body responds. And like you were saying, I wanted to call this out as you said it because you kind of, you mentioned it. And I don’t know if our listeners really picked it up, but trauma is encoded in your DNA. Like that’s how we survive. So whether you know it or not, past events are still living within your body. And that’s how your body keeps you safe.
Amy Vaughan:
And when it feels or sees or is that’s what we, that’s what we mean by trigger, right? It’s like when you feel that or you see that, that that’s what initiates and sets off that part of your body. And so it’s like you’re, you feel like you’re in such danger, but it’s like a phone call from your mom, you know, or like a presentation that you have to do. You know, it’s so interesting how learning, like you said, how your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems work, kind of even just having that understanding is so helpful, but having the tool of tapping, it’s that that’s just like next level. And I think this kind of comparison, I’ll throw in a bonus question for those who are kind of more into some of this stuff too. Is like, is this kind of similar in a way to kind of work through things like you were talking about a little bit of Re hardwiring, reprogramming as emdr. And can you give people a little bit about that too? In case I’m talking over anybody’s head, which I don’t mean to be, but.
Jewell Siebert:
Yeah, no, and I just want to preface by saying I am not an expert in emdr. However, tapping does use some elements. There are some more advanced techniques where you use the eye movements because you know, the way everything is connected in the brain and the memories, all of it kind of combines back here. So they’re very complimentary approaches. And EFT does pull some elements from EMDR as well. And because like the memories, I think it’s so important what you said about them. That’s literally wired in our brain because our memories are from, you know, we have long term and short term, but we also have sensory. So something you see or smell or hear or taste like those things because it’s all, it’s all connected in your brain.
Jewell Siebert:
And even before the limbic system forms, you know, it’s. It’s the fastest growing part of our brain from 0 to 18 months. And so that’s storing everything and that’s pre language, so that encodes your emotions. All that information that we can’t even verbalize, it’s just there, right? Yeah.
Amy Vaughan:
And it’s just so fascinating. I’m sure you see this with the people that you work with and coach, but I think some people would be surprised to know how much, like you just said, zero to 18 months, how much is getting encoded, how much about our inner child is sort of hardwired within us and how it can start to reappear at any point in adulthood, you know, and so it feels and seems so disconnected and so random, but really spending time and working about and going through about the process of integrating the inner child. I would love for you to kind of dive into that and why that’s actually so important and how reconnecting with that part of ourselves can help to regulate and manage stress even in our professional lives. Like it sounds crazy y’, all, but that, that childhood, you still hanging out.
Jewell Siebert:
It is, it is. And even, even just like five or ten years younger versions of us. But I didn’t really understand the inner child when I first heard about it. I was like, what is this, some pop psychology? Like, I don’t understand. But I love it now. So the inner child, if you want to think of the inner child, it’s a combination of things. So you know, our hippocampus, our limbic system, our amygdala and the essence of who we are. So when people.
Jewell Siebert:
Well, in this context, when we’re talking about the inner child, you’ll be going through life and you experience something. And you know, people say, like, they talk about big T trauma when something really bad happens, or they’ll use the term small T trauma where we feel like we’re in a traumatic event, we’ll feel like we’re threatened and we’re isolated, but maybe our perception of it doesn’t match reality, but we still have that impact. So when we’re talking about inner child, we’re looking at what happened, an event that happened or something that happened that taught our brains information about how the world works, how other people work, how we are, and we needed to do something to survive. And like, say, for example, like, you’re in school, you know, you’re like, what, seven and giving a presentation at school, and you get up and you give this presentation and the kids laugh at you because you forget about what you say we’re supposed to say, and the kids laugh at you and you’re embarrassed and you just want to go home and they make fun of you. Well, that’s, that’s a big deal for a kid. That’s it. That can destroy them. And so they can remember, like little Timothy sitting there with them, you know, whatever, like looking at them.
Jewell Siebert:
Well, their brains learn. It’s not safe for me to speak up. I. I am the type of person who forgets things and people are going to judge me. And that’s wired in their brain. So they will take that and move forward. So you can, you can practice, you can have willpower, you can give yourself, like, positive talk. But when you go to give a presentation in the future, you’re still going to have like, these things like, oh, they’re going to judge me.
Jewell Siebert:
They’re going to stare at me like this. I’m going to. I’m the type of person that forgets what I say. So when you go back and you work on those aspects of you and see what’s really going on and then make it safe. Because again, you can’t logically, you can’t just logically address this. You need to soothe your nervous system, right? And when you do that, you can learn a new way, you know, teach yourself a different thing as possible.
Amy Vaughan:
I love that you’re saying you don’t have to just force your way through it. That by actually, like taking a pause and thinking about, like, what those triggers could be. What were the instances? What are the, what are the Truths. What are the narratives? What are the stories? It seems like such a more lasting way than just powering through y, you know, faking it till you make it. You know, it feels like that would be a lot. So we’ve got a couple of live listeners with us today, so. Hi, friends. Thank you for joining us and listening live.
Amy Vaughan:
We always love it. If you have questions as we’re having this conversation that you want to get from, you know, answered by Jewell, please ask them. That’s why we have you here. We love to ask, give and grow together digitally. We always want to make sure that, you know, you all are being heard and you’re getting what you need from the conversation. So my next question is actually on behalf of our members, who I know struggle a lot, a lot with the supposed imposter syndrome and which is really just self criticism, can you share a specific tapping technique that they could possibly use? We were talking about presentations, so maybe this is like, what’s a tapping technique I could use right before a big meeting or presentation? And I’m like, literally cold, hands, numb arms, heart racing.
Jewell Siebert:
Yes. Okay. So for presentation specifically, I would recommend to, like, tap on it before the moment, you know, when you’re in, but right before the tapping. So we always start on a set. Do you want me to go through the tapping points too?
Amy Vaughan:
Yeah, let’s start there. That, absolutely. And let’s, like, make sure we’re framing references for those who aren’t watching as well, obviously that are just listening.
Jewell Siebert:
Yes, thank you. That’s a good reminder.
Amy Vaughan:
Yeah.
Jewell Siebert:
So we start with the side of the hand. So sometimes you’ll hear it called the karate chop point. So, if you think about taking your hand and like, physically chopping a piece of wood, it would be the end side of your palm. So you tap on there. The next tapping point is the top of the head. So if you were to take your fingers on your ears and draw a point to the top of your head, it’s there. Next is inside the eyebrow, so it’s there on both sides. So like right where your eyebrow meets the.
Jewell Siebert:
The. The bridge, the top of your nose. And next is outside the eye, so kind of, kind of near your temple. Next is. Oh, and also I have a worksheet that I can share, like a little graphic so you don’t have to memorize this. But next is under the eye on the orbital bone. And then there is that spot. Spot between your nose and your lip.
Jewell Siebert:
And next is on the chin, like that bump, you know, where your chin starts to go out right above that. And then next is a couple inches, like under your collarbone. You know, there’s kind of that softer area. And next is under your armpit, like a hand with a hands width down kind of where your bra is. So those are the points in the basic recipe. So when you’re going through, you don’t have to do all the points, but you can. But like, you’re nervous right before a talk. Right before we logged on here, I did it.
Jewell Siebert:
But you can tap on the side of your hand and just acknowledge what you’re feeling. So, like, even though I am so nervous, I accept that I feel this way. Even though I feel like I’m going to forget everything and mess it all up and everyone’s going to think I’m an idiot. I am safe right here, right now. Even though I’m not going to know what to do and I’m probably going to get fired and it’s going to destroy all my credibility. You know, just go off. I am safe right here, right now.
Amy Vaughan:
Yeah, all the things go out.
Jewell Siebert:
You know, you can do that. And like, if you. You can most people and then go through the points and just say what you’re feeling and say, I’m open to it being easy. Or you could just not even say a thing. And this is great to go through the tapping points. If you’re comfortable doing it in public or if you have, like a spot where you can, like, be alone. Yeah. But if you’re not comfortable doing it in public, you can get away with doing it in private.
Jewell Siebert:
So, like, if I’m in a big presentation setting, like, especially when I was like, in the reserves and I wouldn’t want to, like, sometimes I did, but, like, if it was a big group, I would sit there because you can have your hand in your lap and just push, just push on these points. And, you know, if you’re like, if you’re doing this on a tapping point and like touching the side of your eye or like, just rubbing your head, nobody’s gonna know what you’re doing. These are normal human behaviors. So. And you just think, I am so stressed out or, you know, just, I’m open to being calm, but I feel really scared right now. So.
Amy Vaughan:
I love that it’s so casual. I know one of my therapists in the past years, and I think I’ve mentioned this on the episode before, who had taught me, like, taking in, like, if I’m in a meeting, like, just taking my hands and I’ve got my headphones on so they’re in the way. But, like, putting my hands on top of my head like that. Even just the pressure to, like, ground. But that is a tapping point, too. And like you said, like the temples, it’s such a. Hmm. I’m holding my chin.
Amy Vaughan:
I’m just thinking, you know, like, you really can sort of subversively do it.
Jewell Siebert:
Yes.
Amy Vaughan:
And those moments, I love that so much because, yeah, not all of us can step away. And again, even as you’ve been showing, like, the hand things, like, you guys that are watching right now can see me from the chest up. You can’t see my hands, so you can’t tell if I’ve been tapping on my. On my hands or anything like that. So, yeah, there’s a lot of really cool ways I think that you can kind of do it if you can’t get away and do it privately. So I love, love, love those tips. That’s awesome. We did have a comment.
Jewell Siebert:
Okay.
Amy Vaughan:
And then Candace was saying she’s been following Nick Orthner. Did I say his name right? For a while. But I don’t understand the difference between EFT and a good massage. That’s it. And I was like, all these points you’re met. You’re messaging or telling us about Jewell. I’m like, that’s why I like facials. Yeah.
Jewell Siebert:
Yeah. They’re all touching. So if you’re. So massages that go on your pressure points will also relax you. You can use EFT in different ways, too. So there’s like, you can do it to yourself, but you can. You can work through, like, big events or fears. You know, like, a massage and EFT are both really good for overall relaxation of your nervous system.
Jewell Siebert:
I would use EFT if I want to rewire neural pathways.
Amy Vaughan:
I love it. I love it. Oh, let’s see. We’ve got more questions. I love it. And yes, you’re welcome. Candace, thank you for chiming in. We love it for Bell’s palsy facial paralysis.
Amy Vaughan:
Any tips? Great question. Ooh.
Jewell Siebert:
So, like, in terms of helping with.
Amy Vaughan:
I would imagine so.
Jewell Siebert:
Yeah. So one of the things tapping is often used for physical issues. And what I would do is start with whatever emotions are around it and start with accepting it. Like, for example, I would. I would. If I was working with you, I would say, even though I have facial paralysis, I accept that this is how I am. Even though I don’t want to have facial paralysis, I am safe right here, right now. You know, validate your current condition and then dig into the emotions that you’re having around it.
Jewell Siebert:
Because a lot of times we’ll have physical symptoms, and then we’ll have emotions and stress about having those physical symptoms. And that makes it worse. Yes. So letting yourself be. Be okay with the fact that this is how it is. Like any transformation, right? Any physical, mental, emotional transformation, being okay with where you are and accepting like, there’s nothing wrong with me. This is my reality. I’m going to stop fighting my reality and stop putting all this energy into it.
Jewell Siebert:
That is the first step in any transformation from what I have learned and seen.
Amy Vaughan:
I love that so much. It reminds me of. And it’s so funny because my daughter, gosh, she’s 12, but she’s so wise for her age. And I had told her about the theory of the second arrow. And I think it’s like a Buddhist principle or philosophy or something. I can’t remember exactly where I heard it, but definitely in the camp of, like, mindfulness. And it’s like, beware of the second arrow. The first arrow is like, when something happens to us and the pain of what that thing is.
Amy Vaughan:
The second arrow is the pain of, like, trying to not acknowledge and accept what happened to us. Like, you double the pain. It’s the second arrow, and it’s like you’ve literally shot it at yourself. When instead, it’s like, can you find a way to accept, acknowledge, embrace, hold space for that pain? And then, like you said, kind of find other ways to kind of calm your nervous system, let you tell yourself, know that you are. You are safe. I do wonder, too, with, like, Bell’s palsy and facial paralysis. I have. I actually have a friend who was diagnosed with that.
Amy Vaughan:
Gosh, it’s been over a decade now. I guess if you have any kind of, like, numbness or paralysis in your face, does tapping those points in your face still work? I’m not sure if that’s what you were trying to get at with your questions, but I was just kind of curious.
Jewell Siebert:
Oh, I don’t know. I would. I would think so, but I’m not familiar enough with it. With facials. Facial. Facial paralysis and Bell’s palsy to know. But it’s the tapping on the meridians, so as long as the. The.
Jewell Siebert:
The. I want to say messaging, but, you know, it sends signals through our body.
Amy Vaughan:
The nerves. Right, Right. Yeah. So it’s like the muscles are paralyzed, but maybe the nerves are obviously still.
Jewell Siebert:
Receiving, so maybe that. And there’s also alternate points. And then, you know, once you. Once you’ve. You know, you can. I would still tap on them. You know, I was still tapping on them and seeing if they’ll go through. And then you can also have conversations with parts of yourself.
Jewell Siebert:
So you could say this is like, after you’ve been okay, but, like, you know what, Is there anything you want to tell me? You know, you could talk to them physically. Like, when people have, like, any pains in their body, a useful technique is to, like, have a conversation with that part of you, like it’s another person. And see, is it storing any emotion inside of it? Because again, like the second arrow, there’s layers on top of it.
Amy Vaughan:
Layers. Yeah. Good point, Z. She says all the points that you showed are also acupressure points or acupuncture points. 100%. It’s all related to, like, the nervous system and where the body emits, like, it’s. It’s so funny. Like, we often think.
Amy Vaughan:
And people who’ve done biofeedback, you know, are familiar with biofeedback, know this too. It’s like, we think that the body or the brain informs the body, but it’s not that. Like, the body actually informs the brain more than anything. So it’s like if your heart rate starts to go up, your brain starts to panic and fear sets in because your body responds to both excitement and fear in the same way. And so, like, that’s one trick I’ve always had. When I have to speak or do something that makes me nervous, I’ll be like, I’m not scared. I’m excited. I’m just really excited to be here.
Amy Vaughan:
And then my body’s like, oh, okay, well, this feels like excitement. Sure. And that’s the brain taking over and saying, okay, listen, body, you’re not going to hijack this moment. I’m going to tell you instead of you telling me. But oftentimes it really goes the other way.
Jewell Siebert:
Way.
Amy Vaughan:
And really learning how to pay attention to, like, your body sensations and heart rate are really, really important. We did have one other question about how hard do we tap?
Jewell Siebert:
Oh, that’s a great question. You do not have to tap that hard. There is no correlation between, like, if I tap really hard, I’ll get results faster. Yeah, just a gentle touch, you know, don’t. It should not hurt you. And you can. You can tap on either side of the body, both sides, you know, I just do. And if you can’t hit every tapping point because you have, like, some kind of discomfort.
Jewell Siebert:
Right. Just skip it.
Amy Vaughan:
Great question, Z. And a good reminder for me that I need to go back to acupuncture. Because, oh, my gosh, it is the best thing for stress and anxiety, in my opinion. Awesome. All right, let’s see what happens next. Keep the questions and comments coming, folks. We love it. You know, I think you and a lot of folks that are kind of in this space, which I love to hear, really believe and understand.
Amy Vaughan:
Like, what you were saying earlier is like acknowledging, right? Aware and acknowledged. So all emotions serve a purpose, even the hard ones, right? Especially the hard ones.
Jewell Siebert:
Right.
Amy Vaughan:
The ones we want to ignore or push away or avoid. How can we shift from avoiding the uncomfortable emotions and actually start to learn from them?
Jewell Siebert:
Yeah, I love that. So I. I truly believe that there are no negative emotions. They’re all a message, just like information. Like, we feel angry when we’ve been. There’s injustice, you know, or sadness when there’s grief, but they can also feel very uncomfortable and, like, we can’t handle them. Now when we. We do have a tendency to numb out.
Jewell Siebert:
And I will say numbing out is an adaptive response because sometimes we’re not. We don’t have the capacity to feel it, and our body will numb out. And I’ll say, in that case, let yourself numb out. But again, tap on it. You know, be gentle with yourself. Say, it’s okay that I’m numb. When I’m ready, I’ll be able to heal. You know, I’ll be ready to feel it.
Jewell Siebert:
But when you’re ready to feel it. I’m sorry, I got so sidetracked on that that I forgot the question you asked.
Amy Vaughan:
So this is all about, like, what do our emotions have to teach us, even the negative ones?
Jewell Siebert:
And how can we. How can we feel them? So you make it safe. And when I went through my divorce, I spiraled for a bit, really hard, like, it was a great thing. But, you know, you still, like, have a loss of what you wanted, right? Like the dream of what your life was going to look like. And it felt overwhelming. And I think this is why we tend to avoid emotions a lot, because it can feel like too much, and I can’t handle it. So what I did is I did a lot of tapping on. Even though this feels terrible and I can’t handle it, I know I can handle it, you know, and make it okay and validate again.
Jewell Siebert:
Validate how terrible it feels and give yourself compassion, you know, say I choose to show myself grace because trying to shift out of this, like, I think a lot of times we’ll, like, emotionally try to bypass or spiritually bypass and say, oh, well, I’ll Focus on the good. You know, the. This serves a purpose or this is part of God’s plan. But if you do that without processing the emotions, you’re just gonna bury them in a. Like a rock inside of yourself. But letting yourself feel it and tapping will give you, like, soothing or some other, you know, you could do meditations or visualizations, making it seem safe for you to feel the emotions will let you move through them, and then you can learn from them. Because when you’re. When you’re being triggered, you.
Jewell Siebert:
You cannot learn. Jack, right? Yeah.
Amy Vaughan:
Because your body’s gonna body and do what it’s going to do. Because it is, like you said earlier, it’s in fight or flight, flee, freezer, fawn, whatever. All the things that there are that we could possibly do in those moments. And I love that. I think acceptance is such a big part of it. I think listening to our bodies and learning our feelings, it’s such an important thing because we have such limited language around our emotions. There’s a great book out there, if you all haven’t already read it or haven’t heard me recommend it before. Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown.
Amy Vaughan:
Everybody knows her by now, but the book itself just really talks a lot about the lack of language. Like, you were just talking about your divorce and whatever comes up with that. I always hear. I always remember her term disenfranchised grief. Whereas, like, we give such honor, space, and presence and sympathy to people who are. Have a loss and like, a death in the family because there’s acknowledged grief. Grief. But when it comes to things like losing a pet or going through a divorce or anything else, losing a job, it’s very disenfranchised.
Amy Vaughan:
We’re not allowed to grieve. We have to, like, pull up our big girl pants, and we have to go back out there and try to figure out life after going through a great loss that has its own process. So I definitely recommend, if you’re looking for ways in which you can bring even language to, like, know how to acknowledge what you’re feeling, that’s a really good one to check out.
Jewell Siebert:
That’s awesome.
Amy Vaughan:
All right, so this next question I’m excited to ask because I have family members who’ve been in the service and who’ve gone through basic and deploying. And I think a lot of folks who are listening probably know that. In the military, showing vulnerability, probably not always encouraged. Right. How did your own journey with emotional regulation challenge what you learned about strength and leadership? Kind of coming from that Space and into this space which feels very different and more vulnerable.
Jewell Siebert:
Yeah. You know, I think it actually reinforced what I know about leadership. So you know, when you’re, when you’re in a leadership position, and I think this is true for military, corporate, you know, whatever, you know, owning your business stakes are high. Yeah. And when you’re in charge, you need to lead with a vision and with confidence and inspiration, instill that confidence in your subordinates. Like you have a job and bad things also happen. You know, you’re, you’re going to be scared. Losses happen.
Jewell Siebert:
Like there, there are bad things that happen and there is a time and a place for processing that. But like in the moment, like when you lose someone or when something bad happens, that isn’t the moment to show, to fall apart as a leader. Right. So I think in cases like that, you compartmentalize, you set it aside, you help your people manage it because they’re feeling it too. You know, you provide, just like being a parent, you provide them with what they need at the moment. And then after you process you, you do what you need to do, you talk to your peers, you talk to your mentors, you work, you work through your own things. And what I’ve learned since learning about EFT is just how important nervous system regulation is to do that. Because your nervous system is like a container.
Jewell Siebert:
Right. And this container can handle a certain amount of stress. Like you pour more in and it’s going to overflow. And you’re not going to like to reduce the amount of liquid that you have to hold. The only thing you can do is increase your container so you can increase your capacity by learning how to build your confidence, regulate your nervous system, and give yourself a bigger container. And that allows you to be a more level headed, compassionate, better decision maker, and be a better leader overall.
Amy Vaughan:
Present.
Jewell Siebert:
Yes. More present.
Amy Vaughan:
Yeah.
Jewell Siebert:
Yeah. And you know, and I think, think it’s, it’s fine to like admit, you know, like. Yeah, I don’t know how this is going to work out. We’re probably going to screw it up. But you know, things, bad things are going to happen, but we’re going to figure it out. Right. So I think the two actually go hand in hand. But being vulnerable in the appropriate time and place with the appropriate audience.
Jewell Siebert:
Yes. Yeah.
Amy Vaughan:
Yes. And I think that’s like your point, like that’s where the inner work has to happen. Right. So I think strong leaders are typically the best leaders in my mind. They are very emotional like they have a great emotional regulation and the ability to think, speak clearly, to be very present, to have that sense of confidence. And I think maybe what you’re getting at is like, it’s not like. And it always required vulnerability. It’s just that some people kind of just have it innately a little bit more, and then others just need, like us need some more practice or tools to kind of help us feel all of those things so that then we can show up in the way that others might need us to in order to lead when the stakes are high. I love that it’s such a cool, interesting insight.
Amy Vaughan:
And again, I think. I hope that it helps our listeners find that way and that path towards getting beyond, like, the fear, the uncertainty, or the scarcity mindset, even by kind of taking into these sorts of practices. Because I think in our industry, specifically, like digital marketing and advertising agencies especially, we’re kind of constantly in crisis mode. We’re running from one fire to the next. And I think, you know, burnout’s a big word that gets thrown around, honestly, a lot these days, but definitely within industry. I think we tried to define it first. It’s. I’m pretty sure it’s the only time somebody in any industry ever just died at their desk from stress because they were working at an agency.
Amy Vaughan:
Seriously. It was like 10 years ago now. But, yeah, it happened. But what is the difference between, like, these acute stress responses versus, like, chronic nervous system dysregulation? I think it’s an important thing to kind of dive into a little bit more for those of us who maybe are listening and sort of not sure. Is this anxiety? Am I developing some ptsd? Like, is there something more going on here that I really need to know, that I need to get either more help put into more practices into place, things like that.
Jewell Siebert:
Yeah. So an acute stress response is what our bodies are built for. So we’ll have something stressful happen. We’ll experience symptoms. Anxiety, maybe trouble sleeping, appetite, symptoms, you know, the. The normal things. But the. The effects will dissipate.
Jewell Siebert:
It could dissipate within hours, two to three days. Chronic is. It keeps going, keeps going, keeps going. So if. If your symptoms don’t dissipate after a couple days, definitely I would recommend seeing a mental health practitioner, seeing a doctor. We are just not built to handle chronic stress all the time. It’s like. It’s like sitting there in a park with your foot on the gas pedal.
Jewell Siebert:
Just, you know, after a while, that engine’s gonna stop and you have to tend to yourself.
Amy Vaughan:
That’s a great, great analogy. Sitting in the car and park and just running out of gas because you’re just pushing that gas pedal so hard. I know so many of you that are listening feel that right now. So, yeah, 100%. And again, I think I’m looking out for. And asking for help. It’s funny, we talk about. I mean, we talk about mental health a lot.
Amy Vaughan:
And together, digital, we definitely try to create that safe space for vulnerability and openness. And I even try to model that as well because I think it’s just so, so important. But because it’s like I see so much where it’s at, that thin line right between that acute stress response and that chronic nervous system dysregulation. You can easily just kind of tip over into that side. And I think knowing the difference and not just calling it burnout, I think maybe I. That’s why burnout bothers me because it’s. To me, it’s like a spectrum. And it’s like, at what point do you need to just stop the whole, like, oh, it’s self care and some extra sleep and hydration versus no, I need to go ask somebody for actual help and get help.
Amy Vaughan:
Yeah. You know.
Jewell Siebert:
Yeah. There can be such a stigma against it too sometimes. Like, I know on one of my deployments, like, I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t sleep at all. I just was. Not, not. And I was like, this is a problem. You know, after about a week, I’m like, I’m only getting like a couple.
Jewell Siebert:
Like, I cannot. I’m exhausted and I’m not sleeping. So I went to see the doc and, you know, he had a biofeedback machine and that was. Yeah, but we had one of the leaders in our unit. He was like, making fun of the people who went to see the doc. And I’m like, he’s helping people. Yeah. So I think when that happens, it’s important to see, you know, pay enough attention to yourself when, you know, you need a little something and don’t worry about what other people say about it.
Jewell Siebert:
Exactly. You’re your number and it’ll. It can be like mine. A couple times. And I was good with that biofeedback. But, you know, you never. That’s great. You need to.
Jewell Siebert:
Need to take care of you. Yes.
Amy Vaughan:
Well, it’s. I also equate it to, you know, the. The brain does not know the difference between physical and emotional pain. It really doesn’t. And the way the body responds, I mean, if you just look at like the, like the way, like you were just saying, the body starts sending blood like the Body freaks. The brain says, okay, we’re gonna move blood from here to here. Like, literally, your body is. Your brain is doing it.
Amy Vaughan:
Telling the body what to do to get you to, like, respond. Right? And that can become so hard. So it’s almost like if you had a big old gash on your leg, literally needing stitches, bleeding everywhere. Like, you wouldn’t be like, nah, you know, the stigma of the hospital, not great. Stitches, like, oh, come on, please. That’s so. Woo. I’m not doing that.
Amy Vaughan:
Nobody would say that. They would go to the freaking doctor and then get stitches and antibiotics and everything else that they need to heal that wound. And so I think we need to start thinking about our emotional wounds as, like, wounds that we carry. You just can’t see them. And, you know, asking for and getting some sort of help, like, you shouldn’t diminish that. Just because somebody can’t see it doesn’t mean that your body is not feeling it, you know?
Jewell Siebert:
Yeah, exactly.
Amy Vaughan:
So I love that story of the biofeedback and, you know, how it helped you. I’m kind of curious throughout your practice and the. What you’ve been doing for others, if you have a story for yourself or other people where you’ve had, like, a powerful transformation that you’ve seen or you felt. When somebody finally learns how to truly regulate their nervous system.
Jewell Siebert:
Oh, my God, yes. I mean, a lot. Yeah. I can share, I’m sure. Gosh, me, me is. This is the. The. The one that I always remind myself of.
Jewell Siebert:
Like, you know, when you have hard days, you’re like, why do I even bother? And I think about, wait, I’m a functioning human because I didn’t always used to be. And, you know, I think, like, what we see on paper and our accomplishments on paper sometimes belie what. What’s going on underneath. Yeah. Because for me, I had. I had an abusive family member. And so I had, like, a pattern of low confidence. Right.
Jewell Siebert:
But I was still functioning. But, you know, when you get into these patterns, you tend to repeat the relationships and you tend to get in unhealthy relationships for you or relationships that don’t work for you. And before, I was in a very unhealthy relationship and. But I wasn’t leaving and I got to the point where I was emotionally checked out. And I think, I’m sorry, it’s kind of hard to talk about this, but it shouldn’t be, like, okay, I used to numb out a lot and I turned to alcohol. You know, I put my daughter to bed. I would drink way too much. And then, you know, I was just kind of going throughout my day being a zombie and a wreck and I really spiraled and I, I had these dreams about having like a business and doing all these things and it just wasn’t happening.
Jewell Siebert:
And then I learned these techniques and the advanced techniques and I started working with someone on the inner child work and feeling my emotions. Like, I. My first session, I cried for the first time in like years that I can remember crying. I was like, oh, there’s a lot here. Yeah. And you know, just working through that has been such a shift. I was with my tapping mentor the other day. She goes, do you understand? Like, you’re a completely different person.
Jewell Siebert:
You would show up a hot mess, crying like you couldn’t. You weren’t functioning. And now I have a place. I love a relationship. I love my relationship with her. I mean, my daughter and I were always close, but you know, we’re. As she’s getting older, we’re still super close. I have a business that I love.
Jewell Siebert:
Like, things are working and I feel so calm and comfortable and it’s just that feeling when you’re in a hole and now you can breathe. Like, I think everything has changed and that’s why I feel so strongly about this work and what it can do.
Amy Vaughan:
Oh, thank you for sharing. I love it. We love hearing the personal stories and experiences because I know somebody that’s listening very well. It is hard right now. Like, is very much like, yes, that is me right now. And to be able to see somebody that’s on the other side of it that found the tools and the things that help them, kind of like you said, kind of get out of that hole. It’s so great. It’s so, it’s super inspiring.
Amy Vaughan:
On that note, like, how do you respond to those who are kind of skeptical. Skeptical and maybe dismiss tapping as like, woo. Unscientific. Whatever they want to try to say, despite all the evidence out there, I just laugh.
Jewell Siebert:
I’m like, okay, you’re the one missing out.
Amy Vaughan:
So sorry.
Jewell Siebert:
Yeah, I mean, there’s so much scientific study. Like, if someone asked me, like, and they’re actually being curious, I’ll be like, well, yeah, there’s all these studies. Like, sure, you can look up the science, but if they still don’t believe it, you know, you can try it and can feel the difference for yourself. But if not, I mean, I’ve been doing this work for what, 10 years now? And a lot of that I was in the army and so people were like, that’s crazy. Like, even my closest friends, they’re like, that’s nuts. And I’d be like, you are stressing me out. Right. But let me tell you, even today, because, you know, I shared about this, our interview online, and one of my girlfriends even shared and said I.
Jewell Siebert:
I was a skeptic. We used to joke all the time, but I found myself doing it in a meeting. Like, huh. So if they don’t want to do it, that’s fine. It’s good. I do it. My clients do it. Like, it’s good.
Jewell Siebert:
I hope they find something that works for them.
Amy Vaughan:
Right, right. You’re like, yeah, bless your heart. But I do. I really feel like it. And it’s such a. I love that if, for those of you who are skeptical, just try it, you know, because it’s one of those things. It’s like, it’s such a simple thing to do. And so on that note, like, it being kind of a simple thing to do for somebody who’s curious, maybe overwhelmed.
Amy Vaughan:
What is kind of the simplest way to start incorporating EFT into maybe like their daily routine? You know, again, just to kind of explore and try it and see how it feels.
Jewell Siebert:
Yeah. So you can just. You can just tap without even talking, just tap and just let whatever comes up, come up. And I know a lot of people who actually recommend doing, like, three minutes of just no wordless task tapping.
Amy Vaughan:
Okay.
Jewell Siebert:
And just, you can do it. If you want to use, like, scripts or videos, there’s a ton. Like, you can, like, tap if you’re just starting out and you don’t remember the tapping points. I like using videos super easy. So I have a ton on YouTube. You can just like, tap along with the person and change the words to whatever feels good for you. And once you get comfortable with it, you know, you can just do a few minutes a day and see, like, how it is. And yeah, then you can just make your own.
Jewell Siebert:
Make your own words up.
Amy Vaughan:
I love it. So it’s almost like an elevated form of meditation in some ways.
Jewell Siebert:
Yes. There’s a lot of tapping meditations too. What do you do together?
Amy Vaughan:
Yeah.
Jewell Siebert:
It’s so much fun.
Amy Vaughan:
Oh, I’m gonna be on the YouTubes. I’ll be checking you out. That’s so awesome. I love it. All right, I have a couple power round questions before we wrap up for the day. These are kind of some fun, quick questions, rapid fire stuff. But again, live listening audience, if you still have questions, we’ve had a lot of good chats about everything, like, thank you for everything. This is amazing.
Amy Vaughan:
Plus all the great questions we’ve had. Thank you so much everyone for listening and for asking your questions and for commenting. But yeah, as we go through these questions, if you’ve got any other last minute ones for Juul, please drop them in the chat. All right, what is your go to tapping point when you need instant calm Jewell?
Jewell Siebert:
Collarbone.
Amy Vaughan:
Collarbone. Okay.
Jewell Siebert:
A top of the head too. I like top. Yeah, I had a collarbone. But yeah, like, if I’m driving, if I’m driving. If someone cuts you off, I’ll be.
Amy Vaughan:
Like, oh, that’s so good. Yeah, I like it. No, I’m not. I’m never gonna just. I’m just never gonna stop tapping now.
Jewell Siebert:
Yeah, it’s so good.
Amy Vaughan:
It’s gonna be everywhere. I’ll be like, all right, what is the most unexpected place you’ve done a quick tapping session in?
Jewell Siebert:
Probably the plane. I wasn’t planning on it, but an audiobook I was listening to triggered me. And so I was like. And then I started crying.
Amy Vaughan:
I. Oh, my gosh, Jewell, I needed this. 3 weeks ago when I was sitting on an airplane crying because I was extra hormonal. I had a long week at a conference. My, like, nervous system was so fried. And then the. The San Diego airport, it shut down for 14 hours because a plane, like, lost a part of its nose or something crazy. And I was like, so ready to be home.
Amy Vaughan:
And I knew I was going to at least get to Salt Lake City, but there was a good chance I was going to miss my connecting flight. And it was the longest, most hellish, most nerve wracking three hours of my life because I’m just watching the time and like, everything took longer. Loading the bags took longer. Loading the plane took longer. And the whole, I can see your face. You’re already so hard.
Jewell Siebert:
I feel it.
Amy Vaughan:
And I’m just literally sitting there crying in the air. I’m a grown ass adult crying on an airplane because I just want to be home and I know I’m going to miss my flight. And I totally did. I missed my connecting flight by 20 minutes and got stuck over me. And I mean, you know, we’ve all been there, but it was just so like, I wish we should have this conversation. A few weeks ago, I’d have been just tapping the hell out of my face. People have been like that, but you know what? I’d rather be tapping myself than crying on an airplane.
Jewell Siebert:
I was doing both. And the, like, flight attendant walked by, like, oh, honey, I’m like, I’m good. It’s Part of the process.
Amy Vaughan:
And thank you, Candace. She’s like, all of us have cried on an airplane at least once. Thank you. All right, I love this next question. If your inner child could give you your professional self, one piece of advice.
Jewell Siebert:
Play more.
Amy Vaughan:
Yeah, absolutely. That’s great advice. Way to go, Jewell. All right, complete this sentence. Emotional freedom feels like, like what?
Jewell Siebert:
Moving through life with your own soundtrack, you know, like, oh, good. I, I, I realize we’re also going to be on the podcast.
Amy Vaughan:
They can’t see us. You know what? I can imagine other people listening in the car right now, like, yeah, like.
Jewell Siebert:
The emperor’s new groove.
Amy Vaughan:
Right? I love it. Oh my gosh, Jewell. Like I said, this was such a much needed conversation to y’ all this week and last week. You got to listen to last week’s episode too. That was so good. I think these conversations are just like, it’s been like the universe saying, okay, this is what we need to hear, ladies. This is what we need to be talking about. But thank you so much for joining us today, Jewell.
Amy Vaughan:
All of these techniques, you know, again, it’s so simple and yet so transformative on how we can literally tap into calm, clarity, confidence. It’s such a gift to this community and, you know, it’s a little bit of something that we all need. So for those of you that are listening, I encourage you to even just try one little tapping exercise a day. Even as you’ve been listening here, maybe you’ve been trying it. Let us know how it’s feeling, Let us know how you’re feeling and know that it’s not about pushing it, pushing through or pushing it out. It’s about giving ourselves the tools that we need to feel more like ourselves again. So if you’ve connected with Jewell and you want to learn more about her work, you can find her on LinkedIn. And then we’ll also include that link in our show notes.
Amy Vaughan:
Is there any other place that they can find you, Jewell?
Jewell Siebert:
Yeah, so I have a website. I mean, I have YouTube, but on my website. Yeah, and there’s a really good tapping. You can opt into tapping for self compassion. That just really helps, like if you beat yourself up a lot or, you know, I love, that’s one of my go tos. So Jewell sebert.com.
Amy Vaughan:
Typing in the URL now. All right, so all of our recordings of our podcast sessions are available for free on YouTube. Also our podcast, if you haven’t yet, definitely leave us a review. Subscribe all those good things that really help us continue to create this content and share messages like these. And if you’re not a Together Digital member yet, I highly recommend it. I know I’m biased, but just trust me, I’m a product of the community itself as well as Jewell shared with her transformation with over 60 professional development opportunities throughout the year, including masterclasses, peer groups, and our amazing and supportive online community. Thank you all for joining us in the power lounge. Until next time, everyone.
Amy Vaughan:
Keep asking, keep giving and keep growing. We hope to see you next time. Bye.
